I read a note put on facebook by an old friend and it got the brass gears in my head clunking. As adults we all have our little memories that tend to get pushed to the back of our head by the rigors of life. It could have been a trip that changed your view on life, maybe it was summer camp as a kid or the sound of Granma making the table in the morning during Christmas on the farm. Either way those memories are brought to the surface by similar surroundings, smells a photo or a memento. For a time we enjoy them, but as life goes on around us memories fade back behind the importance of paying bills and remembering your keys.
I volunteered in the kitchen at camp during the summer just so I could be there a bit longer. That generic smell of a clean commercial kitchen always, brings up the memories of late night kitchen raids and afternoons after lunch clean up spent in the councillor cabin on that dirty old couch, watching Princess Bride and drinking Jones soda. I can still remember the sound of Granma making the table for breakfast on Christmas morning, I remember Bob Dylan on vinyl in Grandpa’s office that doubled as the guest bedroom. Last summer was a time for major change in my life, one of the face knuckle sandwiches that got me to realise I needed change. My friends were there for me, they were my comfort, a solid during a time when everything around me was diarrhea. We almost ran away together and toured Canada on our feet; I spent a lot of time with them and thought that they would always be around. Life happened, and although they still are close I feel like I need a plane ticket to find them. I don’t know why these fond memories tend to be bitter sweet, maybe I shouldn’t say good-bye to those who aren’t gone. Why live on the fraying threads of past memories when new one can be weaved from the same loom.
What I had to learn is that, no matter how close you are with them or how far away you are from them, friends wave in and out of your life like the ocean. We're all just floating around in this mess and we are together for a while- we make a connection small or big. And like all relationships we form the expectation that the other will always be floating along in the same current, and get frustrated or upset when we change for a while. This doesn't mean we won't end up on the same course again though- just means we have to learn to let go and let grow. The connection you've had is real and forever, but it changes just the same as you do.
ReplyDeleteThat probably sounded really cheesey and hard to understand, but that's the best way I can put it.