Molested by Darwin and Christians.

The truth is I'm on the fence when it comes to religion. I see the bible as an over edited bibliography, like all religious texts bits are missing, the Catholic church got together and decided what was worth keeping and what wasn't Christian "relevant or proper." Not to mention a umpteenth billion versions that have been published and republished. Same goes with the Koran, hell it actually says in the Koran that before it was put into words some of the best speakers of the Koran were killed off and their recitations forgotten. I'm not just questioning religion, like I said I'm on the fence here. Look at the monster that is Darwinism, it's a religion onto itself, at least Christians can say God was always their to create something. Even in high school I had problems wrapping my head around the theory (yes it's actually just a theory people not fact) that we are the result of the universe breaking it's condom. You cannot have a complex organism from nuking some chemicals. Sure Scientists have recreated amino acids but I can do that after leaving fruit in the fridge to long. In fact there may be a metropolis inside a tupawear filled with what once was spaghetti sauce. If a cell as Darwin knew it was a fire cracker a cell today would be a freaking ballistic missile.

Have you ever gotten a popcorn kernel caught in your mouth? No matter how hard you try to tongue it out of your gums it just goes deeper until you jam it with a tooth pick making your gums bleed. I feel I need to do that about being told I have to have faith in (names your deity). I will not judge you for what you believe to the core of your being to be true. Just don't try telling me I'm wrong for wanting to find my own beliefs. Awhile ago I was accosted for being tolerant, having the term "new age" thrown at you like a title, like that one phrase describes anyone who is on the fence and looking for themselves like me. Well good job by ramming your god down my throat I now see the light, your god gave us the freedom of choice but there is no way we get it good after life by being good people a gay man may feed the starving, may help educate people in the third world, hell he could even save little jimmy from the well and not ask for an ounce of recognition but he's not going to heaven if he doesn't choose your god and pretend to be someone he's not or deny himself the love he deserves. A drunk may go to AA for years turn his or her life around and benefit society with his presence but nope not getting jack if he doesn't say "Jesus is the man." I'm starting to sound a lot like an atheist, but they are just as bad, and I'll get their theories and ideals shoved down my throat to if I think their petri dish with the beginning of life on it smells like a moldy rolled up sock in an athlete's duffel bag. I do believe intelligent design has credit, I think that yes we as humans today have evolved from lesser humanity, but I don't believe in the "epic oops". We have souls, we are more than well evolved animals because we have culture, art. We learn and reason, improve ourselves with technology and discovery. How can something as complex as the human mind be an oops? So please remember Atheists and Christians that I am on the fence, whether I choose to fall over into primordial goop and descend into hell or land into God's embrace and be a hapless fool is my choice so stop pulling on my arms.

Martini snobs and James Bonds

Martini's, when ever I get asked to make one by douche canoes trying to be sophisticated I cringe at the shoddy Shawn Connery accent "Shaken not stirred", and more often than not the Martini is brought back because I made it wrong a.k.a with gin instead of vodka. So I've adopted a name to those who have never actually tried a Martini, but think it would be cool because of 007, simply calling them James Bond. Now to make a proper Martini there are a few things one should know. Originally Martini's were made with Gin. It wasn't until after world war 2 and the boom of Vodka that Martini's started to be made differently, nor was the Martini originally shaken, no Cocktail is shaken unless a mixer is added to it, for the simple reason that shaking breaks up the ice putting shards into the drink, or "Bruising" the martini. When your tongue touches the ice it numbs the pallet killing off all the important flavors of the Gin and Vermouth. On the other end of the annoying spectrum is the Martini snob. The new age trendy jack ass that knows better than the bartender, no matter how silly it can get this is how they want it and you will make it like that. The arrogant smirk as you look at them aw struck and the scoff when you twitch your head sideways like a confused dog. "I would like a dirty Martini, dry, And a olive with stuffed smoked blue cheese." "Say huh?" this is were bruising the Martini comes in. If you wanna see someone faint start shaking their premium brand booze, than watch an artery in their head burst. At the end of the day as the Martini sob sips on his drink and pretends to like what he ordered you just want to look the tool bag in the face, right between his over sized lensless glasses and say. "Why didn't you just get a beer."