Martini snobs and James Bonds

Martini's, when ever I get asked to make one by douche canoes trying to be sophisticated I cringe at the shoddy Shawn Connery accent "Shaken not stirred", and more often than not the Martini is brought back because I made it wrong a.k.a with gin instead of vodka. So I've adopted a name to those who have never actually tried a Martini, but think it would be cool because of 007, simply calling them James Bond. Now to make a proper Martini there are a few things one should know. Originally Martini's were made with Gin. It wasn't until after world war 2 and the boom of Vodka that Martini's started to be made differently, nor was the Martini originally shaken, no Cocktail is shaken unless a mixer is added to it, for the simple reason that shaking breaks up the ice putting shards into the drink, or "Bruising" the martini. When your tongue touches the ice it numbs the pallet killing off all the important flavors of the Gin and Vermouth. On the other end of the annoying spectrum is the Martini snob. The new age trendy jack ass that knows better than the bartender, no matter how silly it can get this is how they want it and you will make it like that. The arrogant smirk as you look at them aw struck and the scoff when you twitch your head sideways like a confused dog. "I would like a dirty Martini, dry, And a olive with stuffed smoked blue cheese." "Say huh?" this is were bruising the Martini comes in. If you wanna see someone faint start shaking their premium brand booze, than watch an artery in their head burst. At the end of the day as the Martini sob sips on his drink and pretends to like what he ordered you just want to look the tool bag in the face, right between his over sized lensless glasses and say. "Why didn't you just get a beer."